i love my new pair of white shoes. its lovely.



well well. my blog has been so dead lately, havent had much of a time blogging and posting up, training real hard for nationals only to be ended with a disappointment.

i tried to cry out those tears that got stuck in those heavy lids of mine, i was tired, it sort of kills, it sort of gave me an excuse that i wasnt performing. it wasnt totally fine, i was never so insecure in my life when i went to the stadium, i took my painkillers, i took those counterpain rubs, i took the sprays but it wasnt of any use, i felt weak, no strength in my veins to conjure up that strength, i couldnt move my hip, my legs were frozen still and all i could do was to be ashame of myself. nothing went right, and the position i got, i deserved it. i couldnt ask for anything more, defeat stared straight into my eyes as i walked away. this is a lousy year for me. i shouldnt blame anyone else but myself. somehow, nothing can cheer me up, the passion suddenly jus taken away from me just like that. i cant smile, without knowing i did my best, i could blame the injury, was i pushing myself too hard too last minute? everything could only be my fault... i suck thats it.


i hate myself really, i hate myself for not choosing the right things to do. i dont know why. i cant seem to find some happiness in what im doing. i keep those tears inside, i'll be a man, and i tell myself, i lost this final chance, and i'll learn something from it.




;
breaking free to something new. =)