there are times, where humans have some boundary they cannot cross, especially in their emotions, their spiritual endurance and their mental strength. maybe some have longer constraints than others, while others only have a short fuse. it totally depends what causes the tensions, to test these limitations of each human individual.

"how long can u take it? i dont know, i dont think so anymore" there goes my sign, my own grieviances, well over my last shot.



im tied down, to between my own feelings and my character, i cant leave one to dread, yet alone knowing that some people continuous hurt will relatively be in abundance. fled i ran, a few times, but always believing in some reconciliation, maybe a departure of anger and a few empty promises, things could get better. but couldnt anything go beyong surface value? i wonder, i dont see why and how i can take this pressure of doing everything i can only to be greeted by that face of unhappiness. nothing can possibly make u happy, and when ure happy u forget about me, and do things u want and like without how i feel. it cant happen, we cannot be together and im afraid u know that.

everyday, i look at u, u look sian and unhappy. ask u why its always the "nothing". even as friends u give that sort of attitude. nothing will ever work out, nothing. you need to buck up on yourself, get a freaking hold of yourself. for once, please. dont blame everything on me for making u like that. think abt day one, what makes me so tired of being there for someone who wasnt there for me. in fact, u cant be there for me because of the reactions u have. i was blind, too blind in fact to see anything. i need time now, with those friends of mine, and i know that i cannot be pulled down any longer, i wasnt myself anymore for the past 6-7 months. though the happy times, i know its over long long ago. really. i hope u find ur own happiness somewhere else and i gotta move on with my life and you as well.

dont meet me with sarcarsm, its uncalled for.




this moments i must say, is a great test to me, the A levels, nationals, personal ambitions. its all so tight and really pressurising. honestly, im breaking like no one's business, but im trying to get hold of myself. day by day, each min at a time, i need to set that mode of trying out once again different methods of picking myself up.

i dont need anyone to use me once again, i believe my heart aint no heart anymore. tattered and torn, shattered with scorn, its a heart that cannot trust, a heart that dont believe much, scratched by petty beings and left with marks of ignorance. spite it any further, and i dont know what i've become. i gave up load shits for a single shot, only to lose everything at the very end.
well well, i guess now i will have to do more to catch up with everything else for what i've lost and make up for it. i appreciate every little thing that has happened, lessons learnt and falls that left those little bruises, its worth it. moving on has always been another chapter of my life, little less foolish and a pinch wiser, God, grant me some happiness would ya? thanks.

so for how much i can take? its over and really over. because i cannot take it anymore, maybe the lesson u shuld learn from day one, why live to regret when something u want so badly is either gone or lost? im your living example.

im gonna start things off with a smile, its definitely more lasting.


off to national library to study, hopefully, mugging keeps my mind off things. dont be silly aaron dont be silly, think of nothing else but study.




;
breaking free to something new. =)