fuckfuckfuck.


sigh. i dont know. its apparently vicious to my own thoughts and my own mind, it was corrupted, vile and destroyed, its innocence terminated of its own consciousness, where has all the goodness gone to? i hate to be able to think a little bit more, to process things differently and to get different outcomes, and it backfires so much when givin up on the idea of trusting alone. yes im trying to define the existance of my very own mind, so as to conjure up this image that could well proclaim be my reflection. something which holds truth and surely be able to accomodate more than just the satisfaction i swore to achieve this time round. its a timely struggle between mind and body, holding back those tears i almost let go, i wonder where has time played its part for me? have i gone too far ahead and expect the unexpected? or was it the trials i took and uneventfully scatter back with those heavy footsteps, breath pounding with exhaustion and regret? i need an answer, words dont suffice and actions only make some temporary relieve, if memory serves me right, this disease is uncurable.


disappointment with those every actions u made, i to make a pact with the devil that he do not get involve with this. but he refused this proposal. raking up the past and applying it to now would be the biggest mistake in my life. yet, im fortifying myself with those barriers so cold and so sturdy as if i was preparing yet again for another heartbreak. another fear appears to say, would my foolishness lead to the heartache instead? i'll think abt it more than you do.


i dont blame you at all. i dont. yet im still trying and i wasnt pretending, i remained true to my word and that was ever so long ago. i dont wan this to work out as just "another one" of those, i wanna forget everything and start anew, but what is holding me back? it was love for those before, but those scars playing so vitally in making those unnessary statements of falsehood.




spend some more time with me,
selfish i am,
demanding i am,
reluctance to share what i just acquired.

it was a test im unwilling to take,
i really aim for it not to break,
because i cannot take another heartbreak,
and im now feeling the heartache.

am i not seeing enough,
and stop stop that erratic brain of mine,
its irritating taking a dip back in time,
to come to crazy conclusions.

i love you,
i need you,
i cant let you go,
tears just run, ever so readily.



so does my girl loves me too?
so does my girl need me too?
so does my girl want to let me go?
and i know her tears meant something to me.




nothing is perfect in this world, its like those jigsaw puzzles where u just cannot complete. where giving up and cheating only builds up the confidence which lacked the credibility. that sucks, doesnt it? i honestly dont know, how much can you do to make a difference in my life, cant you take a little more initiative?




school sucks even more now, i dont know why. i dont feel like doing anything else, im losing myself really bad down hear, i need some divine intervention real quick, and if done so make it swift, if not, there wont be any time left for me. im in a dilemma, i dont believe in working hard anymore, the results aint showing, the time spent like as if its wasted all along. why is the fucking education system so fucked up in singapore? yeah fucked up explained it all. this is adding more stress to those shit im facing now, blahhh. i honestly cant take it, but well, what more can i do? nothing i guess. fucked up world.


youhavethepowertomakethingsright, evenifitwasonlyashortperiodoftime, makeitforeverwontyou?




;
breaking free to something new. =)