ohhhh man, yeesterday was busy spent doing PW in which much had to be done, well i think my group is screwed. =( well, at least we are trying very much and very hard down here, so it be fine i guess.


today went to the gym in the early morning. haha. went with marcus. gosh marcus kept pushing himself alot, i felt damn slack man. pffft. anyway! didnt study much today, went to school AHHAHAHA. like awhile then went to united square. omgosh the journey there was funny and LONG. =( sorry jasvir!


tomorrow gonna mug. its the last 2 weeks. im so screwed. especially for history and everything else. GG. i cant afford to retain. sigh. guess its late nights and mugging, but how much discipline do i have anyway?


AHHHHHHHHHHHH I MUST STUDY. i dont have motivation. i think i know WHY.



a note to muhhself only once i shall be said.

i know my distraction,
it wasnt just only myself,
it became more of an obession,
something i try disillusioning myself in,
i kept trying to say, no more,
but it keeps coming back,
does knowledge hurt so much?
to be able to think,
sometimes to understand,
most of the time to actually feel it,
to learn how to cry,
learn how to keep back that strange emotion,
let it go in the middle of the night,
maybe often before you sleep,
tears trickling down,
cold, shivers up the spine,
wondering to God, why?

i believe entirely,
though i despise something called love,
i believed it exist,
and im not born in any perfect image,
neither materialistically blessed,
nature has its curse on me,
im not perfect, thats all i know,
i do try,
silly things i've done,
but it was all about knowing that,
cluelessness maks you do silly things,
what who on earth will judge?
besides god himself,
what else can one do?
nothing?

i've tried many times,
fallen short and often left dejected of my decision,
i gave my bloody all,
only to suffer the earth's bloody lies,
condemn me everyone, comdemn,
whats there to be uplifted or glorified about?
whats the use to carry on in the first place?
dont know?
i feel that it has many more to speak,
it wasnt something just for show,
but clearly it is something about faith,
something i believed in so entirely,
till this day, yes today.

so what should i believe now?
a stranger? or myself?
what am i suppose to do?
i dont know it all i admit, i dont,
and im still trying to find that missing link in my life,
but i know it isnt necessary now,
whats gonna last forever anyway?
this is for YOU to decide.
i really missed those times,
it wasnt much still i do, it wasnt abt anyone else,
but its true.

care to tellme about your fever?
how you spread your disease.
how that ache has gotten into me,
and tell me how impossible you are to me.
tell me,
show me,
make me,
feel me,
right inside and say, that i didnt believe a lie,
but it was all worth it.





so what if i do haf that strange feeling about you? you dont think its worth it, and for strange reason though, you dont know ure the one, maybe.
words spreads around, rumours and gossips engulfs the minds of many, but the truth, its only with me.




;
breaking free to something new. =)