sigh. why am i always hurting myself. knowing it yet enjoy every single bit of it? i love gaming, seriously, and i quitting cuz i wish i could spend more time with ppl around me and of course to buck up in studies. now i just went back to it, for? for frustration that i dont feel happy and needed to destress, but its sickening to know that its more than just addictive, its different from doing it cuz ure pretty good at it. its back to my old lifestyle. argh.


church later at risen christ. soooooo sian. church quite small than godpa is gonna come with his 2 daughters. my dad cant wait to see them. his god children. and i have to be in church. roooaaaaarrrrr. i did prefer ctk (my actual parish), which is just 4 bus stops away or holy spirit church which is much bigger i think. wellls, what to do church politics stinks. like i said, i wont help out in church activities anymore till i feel personally think i want to. esp the cathecist.
screw it, burn my passion, make me retaliate, make me.



make me play the fool again,
make me take all the blame,
when we both know neither were right,
and when we both fear responsibility.

tired of the games you play?
wait, was it even a game u say?
rightfully we own nothing,
and nothing can pursuade false implications.

i'll do my math you do yours,
we'll be calculative on all sorts,
so categorise our own fatal addictions,
so strive so hard for fruitless perfections.

so how far do we wanna aim,
so deep we wanna get involve,
i ;eave it up this time,
entirely to you, only you.




greatttttt. its the time of the week where i laze at home and im superb at doing that. harhar. ahhh churchhh. im never fulfilling more than what a catholic should do, but im tired of thinking, or rather used to talk to youths about experiences. it was never about using me, when u need me but when i wanna help, why must u betray my trust for this. i was willing, but i guess care has it limits. seriously, God, why, why sent my back on my ultimatium? i put my faith and trust in that single swift movement of devotionand u sent me wheeling back.
so whose fault is it anyway?


i dont feel like going church and i have a valid reason for this. i've hurt my back. and im contemplating if i should even go school on monday. argh. i cant even stand properly, sigh, stupid gym deadlifts. well. never. i think i'll recover soon, guess no training on monday for me i think. blog later then. peace out.

whatever hurts so pain now physically, its just a match to how im feelings, im still feeling it from twoweeks.




;
breaking free to something new. =)