i gotta blog this down. i remembered. yesterday.after eating dinner at the food court.
DAD :"eh son, the woman at the next table dropped something."
ME: (look puzzled)
DAD :"there see the green plastic bag, pick for the lady i think drop"
ME:(analyses that the green bag on the flood opposite where the couple was eating, assuming that they did drop it)
DAD :(smiles happily thinking that his reminder would add on to his satisfaction in helping another friendly stranger to his nice dinner.)
ME:(i picked the bag)
ME: "here u go, u dropped something" (passes the green bag to the stranger)
Woman "Huh?" (looks at me in amazement and take the bag from my hands hastily)
ME: "u dropped something lah" (so convinced by my dad)
Woman: (give me that why are u stealing my bag look)
Woman: "i put it there one"
Me: "oh reallly?" (the bag was like out of view and on the floor, anyone could have taken it)
Woman: "dont anyhow touch people's things."
Me: "oh. i thought u dropped it lah, sorry."
Woman: (placed the green bag on the floor, this time next to her instead)(this time her male companion stared at me)
Me: "ok lor sorry."
Woman: "yeah u better be"
Me: "oh you shut the hell up. stop being such a bitch for me thinking that your bag was on the floor"
Mum and Dad : O.O (stunned)
Me: "oops. i learnt those stuff from people like those china people im confronting now"


somehow, i hate chinese nationals, gruesome people. ewwwwwww. they are sooooo ERRRRR. pisses me off so badly, sometimes their arrogence are like what we see so common nowadays. HAHA! but wells. i think i was MALUFIED. but their attitude stinks!





gonnna sleep soon.


im suddenly struck my conscience, i couldnt think right, i couldnt deceive myself to think that i was alright. i wished that it wouldnt end up like this, so lonely in this cold hard world. i chose to be lonely, i chose to leave myself alone, to exclude myself because of the dangers i saw in the different aspect of this society. i couldnt bear to take home the disgression.


even if my heart melted,
i'll find some other way,
to harden it up again,
to say i cant love you.

i'll force myself,
each time,
to plant the seed of deceit,
right in the middle of it all.

where it starts beating,
where is starts suffocating,
there i collaspe,
unknowingly, imperfectly,

where we leave those slits
and those unseen slashes,
to purge our physical pain,
for we perceive our mental strain.

carefully caressing,
gently pressing,
wishful blessing,
of your luck.

each step taken,
precautious,
why why why?
im confused, maybe.

you tell me then,
you affirm me,
you assure me,
just one clear time.

we shant play strangers,
we wont swear untrue oaths,
misinterpretations heard,
misconceptions developed.


well. sometimes i'll just say. OH FUCK IT. why do i bother. why do i wanna torture myself again, because i love doing it so. stop me.




;
breaking free to something new. =)