OMGOMGOMG. i often read and random the horoscopes in the friendster thingy. and today one is like so weird. i dont know.

it says this:

The Bottom Line

It might not be very easy to say something tough to a friend, but you must today.
In Detail

It might not be very easy to say something to a friend that you know you have been needing to say, but nothing worth doing is ever easy, is it? Find a place to talk where the two of you can be alone and won't be interrupted. It's not wise to have intimate conversations in loud or distracting places. Come to the point that you need to make as soon as you can -- don't make them pull the information out of you. You owe them honesty, respect and compassion.



cool huh. somehow i feel something of this sort. or am i being undoubtly foolish. SIGH. i dont know, im scared how the little things of life will turn out. why not. why not u tell me, why not you tell me how u felt.

please.
you make me feel like theres everything in this world in which i can sacrifice for. it wasnt about how you know me or not or how long we must be together to make something out of this nothingness.

i really hate to admit it. but i know whatever shit is going around. im tired. im tired of running, of drifting as if nothing is happening. i really hate to admit that i am trying someway, somehow to make appease of my soul, of my circles i was travelling in, or the times i failed to bargain more for with my soul. maybe it was my hatred to be having turn emo or turn stupid because of a failed relationship. it was over. i took my step, i said no more, but i knew i was running away. i as running so far, far away. but each time i take this new step, its pulling me back, its pulling me back to where i once was, only that the environment, the situation as totally different.

please do not see me like what i am now. im trying, trying really hard, to at leat feel at peace with myself. im trying, trying very hard to make myself be of some worth.




im battered, im bruised,
in your eyes, im a nobody,
to you, im just another soembody,
but i wish i was different,
and you could tell me too,
for each time i tried, it hurts,
it pains so much, it made me felt it wasnt worth,
it wasnt worth that effort i tried,
i became blind, a total lame,
i became suffocated with my own shame,
was i ever good enough?
i guess it was never




pathetic, im so freaking tired. at least it keeps my mine less occupied with the problems of daily life. the acute shuffling of sounds rumbling in my head, it gives such a headache. argh. buzzzz off. gymmed myself today, was so diappointed with the others, but owells, shant give a damn or two about others if they werent sincere in their promises. sorry accounts for nothing if it was only temporary satisfaction.

i wanna be strong on my own two feet, even if it takes baby steps to get where i need to be, even if it takes every single ounce of sweat to reach the end, the end in which will lead to more beginnings for me.


so would you at least tell me, tell me what i should do. i want you to be honest, something i never gotten, something i was made to believe that it enver existed. materially, its all over, but i do have some faith, faith in which i hope you can assure me, it was worth entrusting my life to it.




so it was the time, when merry was made,
when this superficial world was great,
gbut we hold those tears together,
not because boys dont cry, they bleed instead.

knuckles broken, veins splinted,
punches threw, suffering from those knocks,
so what was it for?
another life inhabitated by a girl.

to whom i will care, it seems a contradictory,
pain pain and more pain, but why?
why still carry on? why still torture?
why do u even care for what u though was wretch.

it wasnt just a beastly thought to forget,
those past memories which still haunts,
to the devil's promises we take those bets,
be mad, be sad crude and depressed to lies.

its just over the cliff, the end was near,
almost i made the leap, god i see god no dont,
we fiddle with each step, its almost the abyss,
should i let go, its just a grip for sure.

so i fell, deeep, moments of darkness,
i began to rethink those happy times, i wish,
then i began to realise, theres more to life.
so silly, its childishness, its just all we could see.

i opened my eyes, yes, i could finally see,
i could finally began to breathe,
i would make a change, a bright light,
and i would get this chance, without a damn.

so im here now, standing,
in a state, i wish i was never been,
so im telling you now,
make a difference in my life, i mean it.





look me in the eyes, and dont look away. may it not be a glance, because im so sure what is going on.


i've been through too much to know things i dont want to know. if only i cold go back in time. YA IF ONLY. but i just want to say, my heart just find it so hard to permit. im trying. im trying. im really trying, because it is the way you made me feel. different.




;
breaking free to something new. =)