well. its been a week since i blogged. its pretty tiring and its realy hard for me to cope with the stress i accumulated within myself, well its also hard to explain that i've been ushing myself hard yet not achieveing anything out of it at all. its been a rather disappointing week where much to my concern, everything has not been going perfectly well. i mean i cant control and make things go my way anyway.


its exactly 3 more weeks to my nationals. there is not much time left to prepare. given that in this period there is exams and there are revision spent on this mid years.

furthermore,my shin is swelling up and hurting. sigh. i dont know why everything is going wrong again.

worst still, there is this bitch who is so fucking rude. i dont wanna be rude to you but please show some manners please.


sometimes i cannot understand how ppl can go around using words to hurt ppl repeatedly. i mean theres a difference and a clear line between jokes and absurd rudeness. well. i just dont wanna show how rude i can be. cuz it was just a self and part of me like that. i mean, people all just wana feel good and look god in this era, and thats why i say " whats for real anyway ".

we couldnt see and practice what most of us preach, being aware of it atones us for it as we try to work hard to make sure we do the best for ourselves and everyone else. but i dont see why people have to make things go their way al the time without realising how others feel. they dont see how they spoil the mood of others, and i know that if it happens a few more times, im gona blow and dont blame me, cuz i dont really care at all how you feel, cuz it would be the cold hearted me last time, please, aaron, control and hopefuly these people dont try.


sometimes i dont understand girls. not that i need to unerstand them, but being in a mix school, i do try to understand this aint the catholic high school i am in.
they seem to be softer yet more outspoken creatures in terms of emotions and maturity, but do they see us as inferior and immature in this mental sense? well in physical terms, domineering yet they lay defeated in their own image. but we dont see it that way. well at least for me. i feel that we have our strengths and weakness, but i realise, that in this age where we try to give more "respect" to women, it is jus additional respect normal given to them by an average gentlemen.

i've been hurt, honestly, because i know, i wil never be 2nd to a girl. ever again. its all in the past inflicted pain, i will never be down, i will never be shunned and i will always be feeling it more esp if it came to a girl. should i be colder. why should i give a damn about them and those around me in school. their attitude stinks. sometimes i wonder the more you know me, the more u try to take advantage of me. the words you all use, have you had any consideration? jokes aside and im dead serious, jokes are jokes but never when it comes too personal about your own agenda/

i have my own clear ambition now. i dont know why i am feelin this way. no one tries to understand. im a person who doesnt need to be soo soft to make u all look good. if u wan respect, earn it, i wont give it big time.


tell me, tell me, with a simple hello, that i would make a difference in your life.
tell me, tell me, with your simple smile, that i would make a difference in your life.
tell me, tell me, with that look in your eyes, we could start something from now.

a man who lost al his courage, isnt a man who deserves to be, but all that he tries, he is still trying despite his lies to avoid the feelings he is facing right now.




;
breaking free to something new. =)