its finally the end of the major papers except chinese and chem SPA. *goodness gracious*


this year. its gonna be a different nationals for me. Im gonna do it with memory of thaddeus. I still remember during cross country meet he said "see you in nats bro". i mean when the catholic high group of last year left. we bonded more when we left. when we realise our identity was still left in that school in bishan. i couldnt believe it when i saw the atheletes going to victoria, raffles, anglo chinese. i mean. we al became more bonded in a sense, we knew where we came from. thaddeus was one of them that made it there in our memory. i'll sling ur name on my arm that im gonna throw. just to fulfil the wish that you said you'll see me in nats. i promise.


graciously we fall from pride,
where our arrogence deeply reside.
can you tell where we came,
those times we played we sang.

whose the winner of them all,
those grudge we bore and took it all.
we made that promise long ago,
to that this day we'll follow.

thaddeus though some may see,
not significant in our lives may be.
but we know that you lived with us before,
your talents we jealously adore.

we know that it wasnt the time,
that you just left us behind.
but today is the day we remebered it all,
every single thing before you fall.

each stride each pace we ran so long,
i knew if it was me i would be gone.
but suddenly i realised so few,
so many of us loved you so true.

tears you brought to many eyes,
we never realised how time really flies.
weeping and beating those regrets,
never look back those things we dread.



though some may say he is already gone, yes, death is a happy thing that we can see God. but our desires are making us stay, making us regret. i know myself i dont wanna die, just like those no way please god. i know i have long mroe to live this time, each step i take bless me in disguise. please, do not take those i love away, because my heart will go astray.

i jus realise nationals is like in 1 week time. and i got 4 training session left. argh. im so screwed for discus. but my baby javelin, do me proud. macham cannot make it i sure kana kan by my felow friends. argh. jus do muy best. urge myslf to move forward, at least not so bad,cwe can do more than just that.

i realise i aint emo. but i think of such stuff. tht was so like me almost a year ago. i became stronger and i dont regret making all those silly decisions in my entire life. thaddeus's death shook me up. someone i see everyday in school in sec school jus pass away like that. it so sudden. no balls. no way. how could it be him?


i wont slit, i wont slash
i wont live my remains like ash.


being stronger aint so easy. i realise temptations falls easily and distractions are always there to bind us away from what is right. but i know now, i dont mind taking the fall again, i hope im right, i hope im correct.

whats the world like if we couldnt give our best shot again?

i dont know im a lil confused. i dont know about anything happening to me, issit just my desperation to get out of it, or issit my desperation to make something out of this crappy world. its just you and me to make the difference


hold me like you want me to, remember that i have feelings too, dont let me go ust because you felt like it, because if it happens to you, you'll die with it. again my memories came back, each step i took it hurts so much. but so much is that all we can say. we do nothing to make each other stay.


i dont know, im being silly, and i've been thru enough. more than enough. those scars we cannot see inside, never wanting to heal. well, time to rest after's today's gym session with marcus. argh. freaking tired. wells. i think i deserve a good rest. =)




;
breaking free to something new. =)