im so demoralised.

again i havent got my jav spikes yet. cuz the size too small. lucky coach got 10.5 size then the size 8 he got me. sighhh.

today did jumps drills and sprint drills. did some low start thingy and i thought i did pretty well in. at least i got the pace i needed. but its hard to increase. i really must lose some weight at least.


i feel like im losing it. my own inspiration. i dont know why. issit the school? i dont feel the team, i dont feel anything sometimes. i feel liek giving up so badly. todays trainng sucked so much cuz i died out after 2 reps of 300 metres. i feel so unfit and unconditioned.



i dont know what to do. im so paranoid about so many things. i dont want to add to so much of my headaches. i jus want a lil peace of mind and relax. but yet i got so much pressure builidng upon my own inner confidence. my expectations are growing... but i know its a matter of how much i really needed to make up now. i feel so lost. i dont know what is wrong and i jus dont like the feeling of losing everything either to the fact that i wanna face my own problems myself.





i dont see why i shuld love you. cuz i believe we are jus two opposites. i shant let my moodiness makes me sad. because i wished u werent jus an infactuation. i wish so much that it be real. something in my dream that showed me a little way. i dont like keeping such memories in my head. i dont know when to let go, neither do i know when to pull it closer. just to know, that i cant hold on so long. u've been the longest i've held on to.
for some simple reason that i dont know.




;
breaking free to something new. =)