Yesterday i was contemplating if i shuld go. oh shruggs. went to jocelyn's house with amy in the morning first. then xinjin came and then audrey and jian wei. PLAYED MAJONG. omg i finally learnt how to play. like loser sia me. dont know how to play haha. but it was damn fun. i really liked it. owells!

So today. i woke up like 1 hour after time at 9. haha. met jovian @ bishan mrt. supposed to be there at 1030. in the end i was late. oh badbad. had gym this morning. phewww. i think it was great but normal. i hope i can do something a lil more effective soon. its pretty tiring i guess. lifting 100 over kg. but kudos to jovian! he managed to push above his comfort zone. well done man.

after that we had lunch @ bishan and i sorta left for home. met amy and her friend on the way. owells. xinjin im gonna see u soon. MAHJONG =D

oh i was damn bored and my bloody monitor is showing blue. i cant see well with it and oh balls, i think i gotta stop playing some cs. heh.

i dont know about my passion, i promised i quit gaming. but for someone who actually didnt bother or give a damn about. inside, i realise im gonna continue my passion, maybe this year world cyber games we can go far, i believe, jus the 5 of us, i think we can do it, only a lil unfortunately the other time. we'll see if we get together again. =)

i dont know why, i met up with some ppl i never met b4 in sucha long time. it seriously sucks. and they had to ask. "WHERE DID U GO? then i'll be like, "im in cjc now". then they'll follow up, "AIYO? WHY CJC AH?" then i'll be swearing under my breath, but i kept my composure and say, errrr yaah SEE JAYY SEE. its not bad okay i think its a good school. then i shrugg of the question and divert. it kinda suck luhhh. whats so bad loh... pui.

but the most important thing was... why has it gotta hurt inside? AC why had u gotta call me? on mon and yesterday to go. i feel like i've let my dream school go away just like that, everyone else said i could fit inside, but im not so sure, i dont know why im not going and if i go, what will i look like? a fool? please tell me? people are dying to go inside, people are dying to appeal and appeal and get out of cjc. but what made me make that decision? is it ang mo kio is so darn far? but its my dream school and anything for it is possible. i couldnt sleep on monday night, nothing at all. i couldn't stop thinking. all i wished i had answers. i rememberd that, long ago, in sec 3 where i chose to retain, was a promised made to my teacher. i said. "i wanted double sciences and... i will never step in cjc that f-ed up JC". i actually said that so long ago, and it hurts me inside to think that my promise and my dream wouldnt take me there. i was given the choice, and i know i'll make it fun, but still i question myself... why i chose cjc over acjc. it hurts.. till now, when i sit at the grandstand, i look and said i could be at another grandstand, another bunch of people, another bunch of trackers and fielders friends to train with.

i dont know what is pulling me back, i wish i knew. could it be someone? i'd hope not... neither do i hope its jus my fickle mindedness. im so clueless about my class, its full of unknown people. its full of people that im so unaware of. shruggggs. i dont like it. i really dont like it.

then it makes me think again. about AC. i remembered once during prelims, my last prelims. i knew at that time i was like getting l1r5 of about 48 points? its totally screwed up. i dont know, i lived a rather worthless life, where i did not know my priorities and took so long to wake up. finally i did. i worked so hard, i pushed. i studied 2 years of stuff in jus 3 months. i tried my best. was it jus me. i got 16 pts. and i remembered i broke down cuz i couldnt do the simple add math paper. eventually i got a bloody 5 for it. and now an a2 in O's. but im questioning my soft side, why did i felt like this after so long. after the long years. im so afraid of you, because u may just make me fall in love with u so badly, i'll give up everything all again, like a fool once again.

sigh. stop thinking. its stupid.

1t39! outing @ sentosa. its so gonna be fun. i dont know when it is. either thurs or saturday. omans... i hope we all have lotsa fun out there =D.

lifes pretty secluded in my own lazy world. but there is so much i wanna achieve. tomorrow's training @ 8 in school. makes me so wanna sleep. but i hope i'll be able to motivate everyone and get motivated too. i guess thats it for today. throws throws throws, may it fly a lil more then i expected. HAHA. =) sunday's alllcomers meet. here i come. top 8 is enough. =)




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breaking free to something new. =)