its gonna be the end of this school term already. it really feeels like JC life is actually so short. its like everything is going to go down so fast. hopefully not.

im wonder why i dont wanna stay in cjc? issit becuase of the many ppl i dont like who is coming. or the uncomfortable prescence of some people. but we gotta stay united i guess. i really hope for the best.. i want have to put my faith in god. hopefully... everything will go the way i think is best for my future. But for now, everything seem so bleak. never ending bleak. its so. uncomfortable.

i wouldnt say today was a bad day or not. firstly got caught for skipping lecture. then kana caught for playing bingo in math. LOL. wahh im getting bored lah. i want a change of nice and more fun classmates. but i hope i will be enjoying my JC life. enjoying being normal as well.

i dont know if i will be living. yet again. its in my mind over and over again. troubling my own conscience for no reason at all. cant you part from my head, leave me alone and let me be comforted in peace? do your best. i know i have tried to with what i have left in those 5 years. but i know that im so far and so long left behind. im picking myeslf up... i will i promise.

today's training was so tiring. but at least i tried. maybe i will keep trying and pushing. for this i will fulfill my own potential, a potential someone has made of me, maybe it was you too. if you would or wouldnt know. the SJI gymnasium is not bad... had fun using the stuff there... but i didnt go onto the jumping thingy. sharks... it seems the most fun. then went to the gym below to do weights. freak. the 100kg deadlifts reps are sickening lah. not gonna try them any sooner yet. went dinner with some of my teammates... ate and here i am. isnt is good to post normal stuff? to let my desires get stuck inside my own empty heart.

it is bloody nonsense to be always attempting to try and gain the promises i told myself. or was it my own restriction i set upon myself, everytime im falling so deeply, i try to get out of it, but this time i chose to ignore it. maybe that is the best solution for me now... if not, i will never get another opportunity to live my own to the fullest. i've made the bargain. was it one more chance? or was it the excruiciating pain that i want to feel. to go against what is right and continue to haunt my own past.

a fool for himself will be someone like me,
a fool for another will lose himself... like me.

so i ask myself. if i would want to hold you. then i realise. yes it was.

i shall not contemplate with myself again. i let time do the talking. i dont wanna think anymore. not for anyone or myself.. jus for today. im tired and there is still gym tomorrow. good nights.




im so tired of thinking,
im so sick of dreaming.
to ever link my thoughts,
my dreams and ambitons.

but i dont remember,
to hear you before.
but this time,
it seem to be something new.

sing for me,
dance for me.
do what you want,
but is it to please me?

time is running out,
time is fading away.
time seem to be an enemy,
time that is leaving me.

it was not a controvesy,
nor a sense or transparecy.
but this time,
you have to believe me.

i'll wont take this chance,
becuase i feel.
that i've lost it all,
everything for long."

its hard on me. its really hard on me. but dont feel it. i guess anyone wont. but i guess once again. who gives a damn.





;
breaking free to something new. =)