we dont see eye to eye on certain things... but that is what makes us different. its only about a week plus left in CJC. i dont know i dont care where im going. ACJC or CJC. i just hope for the best, for the best environment.


its troublesome, when things are seen like this and all you want to fight is yourself, at least to the bitter end sometimes, when those words i cant say anymore, its not me ure facing but my other self, in which i've long given up on.


dont give me the second glance, to make it seem that we can see each other, because i know it is not for the first time, that it will happen like this, because i know, if im gone, if im away, i will not think about it anymore.


i believe, time and place is where time conspires to meet.

maybe its for my moment of foolishness and silliness.


"maybe it was once,
to take your hand and dance.
because just this once,
we will ever dance.

dont we see it again,
the day it rain.
where it is over,
never once it felt like forever.

i wouldnt want to ask for it,
for my heart would get rip.
again, again so deep,
your my heartless deed."



its just one more week, sometimes i dont know why such unnecessary stuff is bothering me at all. i dont know why, i dont know why does it makes me feel so silly in all ways. we could make this very easy, but something is holding back, my last pride, for all i have fallen, i wouldnt want to think about it anymore.


its freaking tiring. to do gym. as in properly. but bo bian. push push push and keep pushing. we have no choice, but its all about me having no choice of my own. i wanna do well. concentrate and focus, i cant let anything make me lose my interest and my passion, my own discipline and my own future. maybe it was jus that temptation that i saw with my own eyes. today's cap ball game was cancelled for the other group and mine is exactly next week. i dont know if things will go well, but i have to get everyone involve. especially during this time, i hopefully wished that everyone will be fine and ready to play their best, even the smallest cut, the smallest effort, endure and we will go the furthest.

everything could be tumbling down, but if i had picked myself up earlier, maybe it would have let the scars heal slowly by itself. but each time im feeling better, my own impetience led to me next cut. this bruise will be sustained all over again. i dont see much in this future. nothing. is it ending? or we would always say that its another beginning. well. i shouldnt be the one deciding. just a step at a time, because i dont want anymore confusion anymore.

god bless jane's grandmother who passed away. it does makes me think, and you too sister, that life can be so fragile, so weak. just like that, anything can happen. but issit worth to stay on and sin so much. i myself feel the prescence of worldy desires at my own fingertips. for this i cannot let go of my own lust for the unnecessary. such a fool for myself. such a fool. please dont silly anymore aaron. love yourself.. for once.. before you love another.




;
breaking free to something new. =)