sigh. there goes the IG. but we guys are still the best of friends eh?


i see things the way people dont. not because that they dont wanna feel down all the time, but just because reality doesnt set in yet. its better to be told a million times to feel it once.


"feel my heart beating, what does it say?"



"let me go,
go to somewhere far away.
because you said no,
theres nothing left for me to say.

when the nights were long,
it felt that we were gone.
in my arms i could feel you,
only if every single moment was true.

spring arises,
where summer sees your laughter,
when autumn sets the sights,
for a bitter winter.

what do you want?
what do you need?
what do you prefer?
what can i do to give?

why would i kill myself,
just to feel the pain once again.
was it to be foolish?
or was it that i needed it so badly.

slit thy wrist,
slit the throat.
see me die,
wont you be happier?

remember that night,
when we laid to see the sky.
those beautiful constellations,
and the eventual sunrises.

what do you prefer?
the cool gentle breeze,
or the warm rays of sunlight,
or me? with nothing to give.

why wont i move on,
and keep myself from you.
was it the smile?
or that fake innocence?

maybe its over?
jealousy was the word.
green with envy,
i'll kill for pride.

i will get drunk,
to make god damn sure.
that we'll escape,
into this world.

wake me up,
show me the world,
show me something different,
something less than black.

shove me away,
but pull me up.
with your grip,
u wouldnt let me die.

nono, please,
maybe it was meant for me.
to fall, deeper,
with, or without you.

how far will we last?
how far will this last.
will we even take the step,
to cross the distant lap.

i promised you didnt i,
that we'll be together.
even said forever,
but u proved otherwise.

say you love me,
jus one more time.
so that this lie will hurt,
and i will cry, again.

i forgot everything,
i left everything.
so as to make you smile,
where was me own self respect.

becuase i knew i was gone,
gone with those words.
that u spoke from ur head,
driven neither by your heart.

would you kill?
like i would.
so say it one more time,
everything but i love you.

a slap in my face,
once again.
a slap so hard,
i wondered why.

what did i do?
what did i try?
what did mistake did i make,
to make u cry.

i could feel your kiss,
and that passion in your eyes.
it did felt like yesterday,
the desire... yes that desire.

but the flame, i saw,
it was not mine.
becuase there was someone else,
who made you loved another.

dont give me face,
i rather be spat at then be held.
where i feel your heart deserts,
no more is my concern.

you will be the voice,
where you go, where u drown.
leave me alone,
so that i will not blow.

i cant take it anymore,
cant anyone understand.
take this scar,
and make it a lesson."



now u see, that if i were someone you want me to be. myself, you will hate me. because, when i talk to you, i use my heart. it was never able to be thinkable, but i made it felt. i'll be hated, i'll be unloved, i'll be pushed and shoved around, but where will i end up? alone? desponded? but who cares? even if you said i were the one. in which i will fail to believe. i've lost my faith in something we call love. but i guess it is not for me to say, becuase i became stronger. both in the right and the wrong way. maybe when the day i die will i be relieved of this, i wont think anymore, i wont be able to differentiate anything else, will there be happiness, and eventual sadness.


what if i said i needed you, what if i said that you were different? did i say it many a times? or did not meant what i said. i guess this is not the point now, because the future depends on this present in which the future we live will be a past. how much you meant to me will be kept inside, and forever will that be kept inside, because i know... i will never be myself again. im sorry.


words are words, what cant be felt are stronger than the faith that we deprive ourselves off. feel my tears, and u will slowly understand why.




;
breaking free to something new. =)