reality is setting in slowly, and i've made many painstaking decisions in my life. mainly, to how i feel.


girl A and girl J. i've learnt to give up on you both. its true, maybe loving someone is never having them. you were on my mind, i've always been there to care for you. but i realise i meant nothing to you no matter how much i try. its becoz i've been selfish, but i guess what i've done is gone unseen. its for the better then. because i've realise it is too late now. and its too early for the other. i guess its this way, maybe i shall live my life a way of my own, maybe it make myself more happy.

//*i've already given up on you. i promise. altough A u may read this post. J i know u wouldnt. but its okay. i've loved you both. i still do, but no more how it used to be.


school was boring today. nothing much, did some work and realise im so lazy. argh. i need to really work hard. oh man.




i realised. nobody remembers me, its good. even to start a convo, no one will say hi. o wells, its okay lah. being unimportant, doesnt matter. who cares anyway. i really dont know what to say lah. i'll never get that chance anyway.

//*its becoz of you that i may not wanna go this saturday. i think i wont be going.


it over, me and you. maybe it was my selfishness, its okay.

everytime i look, i realise, whats so difficult being normal.


//i miss the feeling,
of being loved.
but i've learnt my lesson,
the hard way round.

//i've most probably felt everything,
from the simple to the complicated.
it felt so good at times,
eventually it hurts.

//why did i took that risk,
its because my me being naive?
or was it that i wanted love?
or was it just you mesmerising touch?

//i've been thinking,
if i will be loved that way again.
but i know, it will take a long time,
but i'll just have to wait.

//i've closed all doors,
its for the better of myself.
and others around me,
so that if i kill, i'll kill myself.

//i would have died long ago,
if not for you who picked me up.
but why did you do so?
so that you could kill me even more?

//i knew i was selfish sometimes,
but dont everyone made mistakes?
atoning for them i tried so hard,
all to come to sweet nothings.

//i've had enough of saying sorry,
because i know you never felt remorse.
i wouldnt wanna fall for thos puppy love,
like i said, they wont last forever.

//its temptations that led me on,
to make me succumb to its clutches.
im desperate to bring you happiness,
but i;ve given it all up now.

//it good to know you are alright,
because i gave you a part of my heart.
maybe i've given nothing at all,
or too much for my own good.

//gone were those days,
that we've dreamnt so far.
its lustful decisions,
that we are gone.

//lovely kisses speaks of lies,
warmth of a hug, decived by ur betrayal.
why did i trusted you,
why did i do.

//i've nothing left,
to offer anyone.
its okay,
i'll learn to live alone.

//all this painful memories,
i wished to forget.
i want to move on,
to be who i was and want to be,


i've loved you, it was my mistake for always backing out, for the years that had passed, it was my mistake for never taking that chance.


i so wished for an elder sister, someone who understands, someone whom i can trust, someone whom i know i can tell my feelings too, someone i can confide with in. i guess im the only child, cursed maybe. but its fine, i guess i have to live with it.




;
breaking free to something new. =)