cannot lah... cannot... im just killing myself.

im so bloody stress now, cant take it. argh. feel like smashing the wall, or do something stupid.

my results are fucked up big time.

cant do the bloody math fast enough. some dont even understand, pls, my one day miracle. work for me.

her. her. her. i keep telling myself, dont think of her, its impossible, its so so so impossible, but the more i dont see her coming anymore, my heart pains, it grew fonder. why? shes older, shes smarter, its not right. no no not right. argh.

im so fucked up now. wrong time for everything.


im still feeling the aftermath of friday. i knew, i over did it. my body are aching all over, and those injury parts of the body are feeling sharp pains. sometimes feel like vomiting. this shows how unfit i am now. sigh. fucked up lar.

bloody foot. sore until like wtf. blue black ar. pain. but i really feel bad for the guy's shin that hit the leg. im so so sorry it was unintentional. argh. pain.


i dont know why im feeling this way, maybe cuz ure so different from me, thats why i want to take the chance.




"if i were to know your name,
i would die that very moment.
a kiss,
and i would disappear.

say hello,
you'll make me cry.
if i could see you,
wishing there is no goodbye.

why am i feeling this way,
it cant be for any reason.
its just like that,
i knew i dint force myself.

take my pain away,
the gentle warmth of your touch.
yet i stand helpless at your sight,
in my hands a note saying i love you.

i cant say i dont like you,
im just lying to myself.
im the contradiction,
if its real, it pains a hell lot more.

i havent seen u for awhile,
i wish i could now.
jus a moment,
a moment of desperation.

sleepless nights,
despicable nightmares.
im too lost in you,
the first day i saw you."





shruggs.
i hate this feeling lar, it sucks, its so complicated and very rare for me to feel. its different from other things. i dont know how to say, yet its so amusing that i only felt this way 3 times. now and another 2 long long ago. but why... why her? argh. fucked up life.

gonna study. sigh. i wan my grades pls. though its kinda improving tremendously, more please. more. broken-




;
breaking free to something new. =)