im so tired... inside,

im always thinking, im always wondering, pondering, visualing my own life. its really beginning to look as if its sucks so badly, i wonder y im around. im questioning myself, my faith, my life...

Its painful when i see you go, its been years, always, i've been by your side, seeing u grow lil by lil. though it does matter when your down, im always retreating into my own private space. that space i;ve been trying to get out to see you.

'''i wanna know you, i wanna take care of you, i love you.

i dun have to want to love you... i've always been loving you so.

its been really long, since i last saw you, really what feels like days becomes months and soon years to come. everytime i look at you, i doubt my own ability to succeed, i feel inferior, i feel like as if i cant speak, i cant move, i jus froze, simply awaiting your warmth to melt me. Yet u went away, and i stood there, seeing how much u meant to me.

- maybe another time then*

i keep running away, a fool for myself, a fool for you. I dont wan you. i'll hurt you so that u will go away. dun be around me, i dont want you to hate me, im scared i'll even lose you as a friend. the more i feel for you the more i wanna run away. its complicated, its contradicting, its me.

i do still see you, maybe it takes months, nono... years... maybe a lifetime. I've always loved you. im sorry...

say you love me, say you hate me, say you wan me near, say you find me irritating, say you want to care for me, say that im not worth your time... im muddled up inside, its no wild me its jus simply me.

-picturing those happy moments, if there were any....




;
breaking free to something new. =)