im so disappointed with myself.

its really not me to be like that. must i learn things the hard way? the lesson is so painful that i would become yet another living time bomb, a stroke of misfortune would turn me into someone not myself. its not that i dont wanna be who i was. but it was something i've learnt never to give up.
im still stuck in my own denial. when will i ever wake up?
i've lost many people in this process. in this world where one makes a difference, losing that one or more would matter so much. i've really given up on my ownself, i jus wished that my own destruction will be stopped somewhere. only a few can do so.

//im stubborn
//im ignorant
//im selfish
//im despondant
//im cursed
//im useless
*signs of a complete failure.


i dont wanna say anymore please. its over sometimes, i've made mistakes, its not like what it used to be. unless it was 5 years ago. where the decision to say yes or no would affect my future. it was all so cosy and sweet. maybe too sweet.


"sometimes when its sweet, its too sweet.
sometimes when its sour, its too sour.
but when its gets too sweet and too sour.
its gets really bitter."


sometimes, when i look at you, i dont know whether i love you or i hate you. it makes me so giddy inside. but when i keep seeing you. i realise, its better to run away, every week. thus im not going to see u. i dont wan to. its best for me, myself, everyone else around me.


i've jus finsihed my workout, feeling pretty good. and i jus ate dinner. im feeling wasted. im not gonna sleep tonight. i'll most probably jus study till tomorrow afternoon and see if meeting bruno and the rest to study again. im hating to love my life and loving to hate myself. i've given up on many things.
& if anyone knows about the truth of me. save me.



you were everything i wanted,
but i dont know how to get it started.
but i am getting nowhere else,
in this lost state of mind for you.
its only rejection and discreetion,
that i've fallen so hard for you.


***& aaron, tell yourself, get lost from society, it'll be better.
***& if anyone has a problem and wants to blame me, go ahead, i dont care.




;
breaking free to something new. =)